More Than One Me

This is the first in a series of Feeding Safely articles. More will come in time.

For any Sang vampire, feeding safely from a donor is of the utmost importance. We have many concerns that need to be addressed when forming a relationship with a new donor, and some that need to be re-addressed when with the donor(s) we may already have. The modern ages have many, many fluid born illnesses we must consider before proceeding.

First, never feed from a donor you don’t know well. I have made that mistake myself, and luckily – got away with it. Others have not been so lucky, or have free access to the kinds of tests one needs to take afterwards. AIDS, Hepatitis C and the like will transfer to the Vampire during the feed, if the donor carries the virii. Going to a well-known donor is much more safe and proves to not only provide a quality feed, but strengthens the bonds of friendship as well. Many Sang vamps have personal relationships with their donor(s), which makes safety less of a concern in the arena of illness.

If you are wishing to become involved with a new donor, the best thing is to hold off until certain medical tests are performed and the results returned. As noted above, HIV/AIDS and Hep C are the most common, however there are others that need to be done as well. A full Hep spectrum, for instance. While not all Hep Virii are transferred through blood, it is best if the donor is checked – he or she will become ill eventually and need to be treated. This is particularly for their own safety. Occasionally the doctor will request an Iron level test as well – another one more for the donor safety, but informative for the Sang as well – never, ever feed from an anemic donor! They NEED their own blood worse than you ever could.

Other tests include those for various STDs and are often included in the testing when one goes in for an HIV test. Most donors are uncomfortable approaching a medical professional with the information that they are going to provide fresh blood for a Sang vampire…it’s easier, and more accepted unfortunately, to state one has been engaging in unprotected sex. For women, it’s a Pap Smear and a couple of small vials of blood…for men it’s a penile swab and the blood. My medical contact has not confirmed this – I’m going on past experiences on having the tests performed, and what a male friend explained to me.

Never feed from a donor who is undergoing serious medical treatment. They need their own resources for healing themselves; not to mention the fact that their treatments don’t belong in your body. Almost all drugs will stay in the bloodstream for some time, and may well cross to you during the feed. For example, D was on painkillers at one point, and the transfer of that medicine left me woozy for some time. It was not worth the feed, to tell the truth, I felt worse afterwards than I had before. Had I known at the time that the medicine he was receiving was time release and not immediately absorbed, I would not have fed at all. Make sure your donor knows what his/her physical health is, and what drugs they are taking!

More on this subject will come as I complete the research and discussions with my friend – the nurse. Thankfully, she understands vampirism otherwise it could have been an interesting few weeks!

I’ve been popping by the occasional blog and since Daven is doing FebNo too, I thought I’d slip past his pages and take a look. Particularly since he posted his blog entry from today, at the FebNo forums. Ya’ll gotta read this. If I haven’t said it lately, or at least publicaly, Daven is like, a god or something. I totally agree with the rape comments, having dealt with the fallout with my kid. And hey, I do consider what happened to her, to be rape.

On another note, I have to admit that I felt a little let down after the divorce party. Not unhappy, not that huge “shouldn’t there be more to this?” let down.

I realized there was one person missing from that celebration, the one person that I should have been sharing this with. The one person that made me find myself again. Over two years have gone by since I said goodbye (and at the time, I meant goodbye, not see ya later). On the 19th, I dreamt he came home. When I woke up last Friday morning, I could feel him everywhere in the house, all around me – a huge, heavy weight on my chest where he’d put his hand, telling me he’d always be there. He should have been here. Not there – not in my heart, not in my memories. Here.

I’m pissed off that he wasn’t, and yet, I wouldn’t pick up the phone at any point in the last two years to call him, at least not directly. When I said goodbye, I said goodbye. I told him then to have a good life – it was the most affable, beneficial and spirit-rending goodbye I’ve ever been a part of. It’s been…well, too long since he and I spoke, and one of the last things he’d asked was how soon the divorce would go through. Little did I know it would be so long!

It’s done now, and my freedom only cost me a lot of my empathy, a lot of my emotions and a lot of the very spirituality I have spent my life seeking. Still I seek, and I know that won’t be over until that tiny piece of me is returned home.

Can I only say I didn’t know? Hindsight is 20-20, even for the partially blind? No. I have to admit it. I didn’t understand what She had in mind when She brought him to me. I went against Her wishes and ended up lost in a sea of unfinished business. I know now, and yeah – he was right, She was right. I’m kicking myself. I was wrong. Love isn’t just a word.

But maybe we could pretend it is, just for a little while longer?