{"id":662,"date":"2006-01-27T14:21:57","date_gmt":"2006-01-27T20:21:57","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/sacredtriskele.net\/blog\/?p=27"},"modified":"2006-01-27T14:21:57","modified_gmt":"2006-01-27T20:21:57","slug":"wandering-the-random","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/sacredtriskele.net\/?p=662","title":{"rendered":"Wandering the Random"},"content":{"rendered":"

I’ve been popping by the occasional blog and since Daven is doing FebNo too, I thought I’d slip past his pages and take a look. Particularly since he posted his blog entry from today<\/a>, at the FebNo forums. Ya’ll gotta read this. If I haven’t said it lately, or at least publicaly, Daven is like, a god or something. I totally agree with the rape comments, having dealt with the fallout with my kid. And hey, I do consider what happened to her, to be rape.<\/p>\n

On another note, I have to admit that I felt a little let down after the divorce party. Not unhappy, not that huge “shouldn’t there be more to this?” let down.<\/p>\n

I realized there was one person missing from that celebration, the one person that I should have been sharing this with. The one person that made me find myself again. Over two years have gone by since I said goodbye (and at the time, I meant goodbye, not see ya later). On the 19th, I dreamt he came home. When I woke up last Friday morning, I could feel him everywhere in the house, all around me – a huge, heavy weight on my chest where he’d put his hand, telling me he’d always be there. He should have been here. Not there – not in my heart, not in my memories. Here.<\/p>\n

I’m pissed off that he wasn’t, and yet, I wouldn’t pick up the phone at any point in the last two years to call him, at least not directly. When I said goodbye, I said goodbye. I told him then to have a good life – it was the most affable, beneficial and spirit-rending goodbye I’ve ever been a part of. It’s been…well, too long since he and I spoke, and one of the last things he’d asked was how soon the divorce would go through. Little did I know it would be so long!<\/p>\n

It’s done now, and my freedom only cost me a lot of my empathy, a lot of my emotions and a lot of the very spirituality I have spent my life seeking. Still I seek, and I know that won’t be over until that tiny piece of me<\/strong> is returned home. <\/p>\n

Can I only say I didn’t know? Hindsight is 20-20, even for the partially blind? No. I have to admit it. I didn’t understand what She had in mind when She brought him to me. I went against Her wishes and ended up lost in a sea of unfinished business. I know now, and yeah – he was right, She was right. I’m kicking myself. I was wrong. Love isn’t just a word.<\/p>\n

But maybe we could pretend it is, just for a little while longer?<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I’ve been popping by the occasional blog and since Daven is doing FebNo too, I thought I’d slip past his pages and take a look. Particularly since he posted his blog entry from today, at the FebNo forums. Ya’ll gotta read this. If I haven’t said it lately, or at least publicaly, Daven is like, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-662","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-main-sacred-triskele"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/sacredtriskele.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/662","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/sacredtriskele.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/sacredtriskele.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sacredtriskele.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sacredtriskele.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=662"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/sacredtriskele.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/662\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/sacredtriskele.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=662"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sacredtriskele.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=662"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sacredtriskele.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=662"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}