52Weeks #2 – Ground & Center

This week’s challenge was to decide whether we’d found ourselves, our soul-compass, yet, and what we would call into our lives to round it out; we were also asked to think about what our 80-year-old self would write in a letter to our present selves. Finally, we were to look at our present selves to see in what ways we’re a goddess. A lot of stuff for one week, and it’s taken two for me to work it all out. All three posts (Jodi Lee, Morri’s Moon and here) are very similar, just dealing with different aspects of my self.

I like to think I have my compass, that I’ve found my self… I enjoy spending time with the girls and friends, it feels like where I’m supposed to be. I enjoy my job and my writing immensely, most days – now that I’m back on track, anyway. I look at where I am now, and while it’s not where the 16 year old envisioned the omg-I’m-almost-40 me being, it’s better than where I could be. A lot better. I could be where I was a while back. Disillusioned and allowing bad habits to prevail, allowing my need for approval and ‘friendship’ to cloud my heart and my spirit. Confusion has kept me angry for too long, and it’s time I set that aside and move on. Life is full of lessons to be learned and re-learned, right?

I would definitely call more time into my life to be with the grove, to work on our studies and just be close. We don’t spend the kind of time together that I’d like. Everyone has their own immediate families, and their jobs and their volunteer work, etc. I think it’s time that Ariadne and I scheduled a bit of group time, even if it’s just once a month again. As it is, more often than not, we’re only seeing each other at Sabbats and maybe the occasional coffee.

That falls on me, mostly; I’ve just been so damned busy with Belfire and my own writing, and for the last two years I’ve let others wind their way in… Back to the lessons learned. People, don’t forsake your family and groups, be they covens, groves or tuatha, for those you’ve never really met, and will never really know. It’s not fair to your people, and it’s certainly not fair to yourself.

My 80-year-old self would look back on this time and want to warn me to stop and listen to my heart and my instincts. For too long now I’ve felt more like a shadow than an elder, not even close to a writer, a nag more than an editor. Having seen the success of my work in the last six months, I think I’ve been hindered by blinders too long. My heart insisted on these things, and… I listened with my ears, to words meant to harm rather than guide.

Out of necessity, I’ve had to become a goddess of multi-tasking. My Belfire requirements include a lot of editing, a lot of cover work, a lot of promotional work and a lot of communication with the Belfire-family; my own family needs me, as well as my group. I set aside a lot of time with the family, both the girls and the group-family, to spend more time working, networking, etc. It’s time I set aside some of that so I can continue working on me, and if the last six months are anything to go by, I think it’ll be well worth it.

<|:-)