So Long, Farewell, Auf wiedersehen, Goodbye

In the never-ending drama that had become my life in the last year, I lost a few things, mostly material, some not so much. I look back at a year with some regret for once, but not much… you see, this quote I found over at Gina’s today pushed that sadness well and truly out of my heart.

“Friends can help each other. A true friend is someone who lets you have total freedom to be yourself – and especially to feel. Or, not feel. Whatever you happen to be feeling at the moment is fine with them. That’s what real love amounts to – letting a person be what he really is.” – Jim Morrison

I expected too much, both professionally and personally, from the friends I lost. I expected that sharing our hurts and happiness would go both ways, not just from me. I noticed – they may think I didn’t, but I did – that most of the chatter came from me, and it was rarely if ever happy chatter.

I always tried to remember to ask how things were with their families, with them, what was new, what was up. I did want to know, I wanted to share their lives with them, share a friendship… But I rarely received a response, and even once was told it was none of my business.

Okay.

Hints – subtle and not so subtle – taken.

I would have been happy for and with them, had they shared their happy news with me, instead of… nothing. I would have been sad for and with them, if they’d shared that. I certainly never meant to be a ‘drama’ in their lives; I just didn’t fully realize I wasn’t a part their lives until recently. During chat one night with someone I know still considers me to be a friend, the realization hit that I was not really, nor had I been for a very long time, a part of those other lives (see the non-sharing up there).

Perhaps someday they can forgive me for being such a dark spot on their lives. Friendship does go both ways, though, and while I wish they would have told me upfront rather than running away, in the spirit of Jim Morrison’s quote up there, I am happy they are happy. I wish them all the best.

The hints, they have spoken.

Regretfully they tell us,
But firmly they compel us
To say goodbye to you.

Goodbye