Roads Untraveled

I think we went down the wrong road.

For a long time, the girls and I were happy, living our lives without holdovers of guilt and anger from the past. Cynical sarcasm, yes, but we weren’t angry, and we sure as hell didn’t feel guilty for having been angry.

Since the last posting here, we’ve traveled down a road that took us to a reunion with family we’d left behind. There was a reason we’d left them behind; a singular reason that boiled down to us being free of the poison that was pervading every part of our lives. Blindly repeating the same mistake over and over, giving in to temper tantrums and manipulations, we didn’t want to be a part of that anymore. Why the hell should we put our daily lives and our sanity on hold for someone(s) so unstable they can’t even behave their ages for the sake of a child?

At the time of the reconciliation, I had high hopes. I was assured things had changed, that everyone had made some significant progress towards behaving more like grown ups should. This person and I became friends, so I thought, but then two or so months down the road, the batshit came back and it all blew up again. It broke my heart, because the girl that was could have been an amazing person, beautiful not only outside, but on the inside as well.

Whether 20 or 63, sometimes one needs to just look at ones behaviour from others’ points of view, and realize that throwing tantrums, lying, and manipulating is the very reason everyone distances themselves from you. And this is why we’ll be distancing ourselves again.

There is no reason why we need to be involved in the manipulative, vicious and psychologically damaging cycle that most of the rest of the family lives in. We can do the grown up thing, and step back. Step away.

Give up your heart left broken
And let that mistake pass on
‘Cause the love that you lost
Wasn’t worth what it cost
And in time you’ll be glad it’s gone.

Roads Untraveled ~ Linkin Park