Sacrifices…
Posted by Morrighan on August 16, 2007 at 2:53 am | Last modified: October 17, 2013 4:22 pmI still haven’t heard whether or not Rhia’s teeth are covered for accidental breakage/removal and all the work that entails. It’s been six weeks, I think, since the forms went in to the office. I have no idea where I’ll get the money if they don’t cover it, and I can’t send her to school with her mouth the way it is. The bullies have enough amunition with everything else.
It’s not like they won’t know, but at least there would have been teeth there, ya know?
I’ve got about $5k worth of books on my shelves. Mostly pagan-oriented, from the days when I reviewed massive amounts of such for various places. I can part with them, if needs be, but I know they won’t be worth what their covers say…some of them are rather old now, after all. I could get maybe $1k. And I can not part with my DJ collection… ;) Well, I could, if I have to – but it’d break my heart.
I’ve got my djembe; hand-carved from good old Manitoba Maple. It’s a good two and a half feet tall, and weighs at least twenty pounds. I tied the knots on the rings around the top, holding the skin on. It was part of my payment for tying all of JR’s rings the summer he took a truckload of djembes and didjeridoos to the Winnipeg Folk Fest. I know what it was worth the summer he made it, and I know what the sister-drum sold for later on… Hand-carved Djembes like this one are hard to find… but losing it would break my heart too, even though I don’t play it.
I have the car, but that is a catch-22 in more ways than one. It needs at least 1K in repairs before it’s even road worthy, plus I need a car to get to a job, if I find one outside the editing and writing. So far, there’ve been no nibbles on the resumes.
None of the furniture or electronics are worth anything, other than the computer… and again, there’s that catch-22; I could sell it, but what would I do the work I do get on?
There are nights like tonight, when I’m up worrying about the kids, present issues, their future issues – all of that stuff mothers worry about – and I have to wonder, would it have been different, if I’d stood up, faced up and grown up all those years ago?
*sigh*
I hate not being able to provide the girls with better than what they have…
Categories: Cynical BytchWytch, Pagan Parenting | Comments Off | PermalinkAnd this bell…
Posted by Morrighan on August 8, 2007 at 5:09 am | Last modified: August 8, 2007 5:09 amYour name is a golden bell hung in my heart. I would break my body to pieces to call you once by your name.
I found them. The damn quotes that have been driving me nuts for hours now… Movies I watched way too many times a few years ago… I’ve always known why. Lately though, the reasons are a little closer to home, and still so far away.
I’ll be asleep, and all the sudden there he is, that big smile. You know that smile. And I say, ‘Hey, Bobby – where you been?’ but he won’t tell me. He just smiles and says, ‘Remember, Christina: I’ll always love you; I loved you the moment I saw you; I love you now; and I love you forever. There’s no goodbyes – there’s only love, Christina; only love. Then he’s gone. But he’s always happy when he goes so I know he’s got to be okay – absolutely okay.
I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss from her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it. One.
Sometimes I feel like there’s a hole inside of me, an emptiness that at times seems to burn. I think if you lifted my heart to your ear, you could probably hear the ocean. The moon tonight, there’s a circle around it. Sign of trouble not far behind. I have this dream of being whole. Of not going to sleep each night, wanting. But still sometimes, when the wind is warm or the crickets sing… I dream of a love that even time will lie down and be still for. I just want someone to love me. I want to be seen. I don’t know. Maybe I had my happiness. I don’t want to believe it but, there is no man, Gilly. Only that moon.
I told you I was a good dancer. Can I keep you?
y’know, honey… this isn’t real. You know what it is? It’s St. Elmo’s Fire. Electric flashes of light that appear in dark skies out of nowhere. Sailors would guide entire journeys by it, but the joke was on them… there was no fire. There wasn’t even a St. Elmo. They made it up. They made it up because they thought they needed it to keep them going when times got tough, just like you’re making up all of this. We’re all going through this. It’s our time at the edge.
Sometimes when you’re young, you have moments of such happiness, you think you’re living in someplace magical, like Atlantis must have been? then we grow up and our hearts break into two.
There. Now that’s out of my system I can move on to other research or something. Sheesh.
Categories: Cynical BytchWytch | Comments Off | PermalinkCoolness!
Posted by Morrighan on July 25, 2007 at 12:10 pm | Last modified: October 17, 2013 4:22 pmMy mother rescued me from the children yesterday. We were all nearly at the point of using claws (and in Care’s case, teeth) to disembowel each other. The heat the last few days has been overwhelming and much as I loved the use of a friend’s ancient air conditioner, it was more an exercise in futility than a provider of cool air.
Even after he installed a new breaker specifically for the machine, it was shutting down and throwing that one too. It’s very own breaker, with nothing else on it! Digression time….
The plan for yesterday had been to load into my mother’s car, head into the city, enjoy the air conditioned vehicle and hit up Ducky’s after her appointment. Then while she was on her way over here, the youngest brother (NERD!) called her to tell her the appointment had been cancelled, so…there was no need to go to the city. No Ducky’s. *whimper* So, she takes me out for coffee because I’ve been fighting with the girls all morning (all twenty minutes of it, since we’d slept in)…then suggests she takes the girls away for the day.
YAY!
Dressed in their bathing suits and shorts, armed with towels and flip-flops, the girls left the house and left me to printing resumes and checking the job banks (and editing…lots of editing!). In peace. In quiet. In the heat.
They showed up home last night, around 8-ish or so. The other brother (not-so-dumb) carried in a large box, and proceeded to tear the packing from around the old ir conditioner. Inside the big box (which said air conditioner, but my mother is mean when it comes to re-packing things…a trait I share, actually!) was actually a brand new air conditioner! A small one, but this is a small house and so long as the kitchen and living room are cool, I think it’s good.
I left it running all last night. Although it is 32*C right now, in the house it’s only about 22. This is a good thing, it’s NORMAL in here again. So, like my recently found doppelganger (actually, she found me, but I’d been to her blog before at some point..I think maybe last winter or something…) I’ll be doing housework today.
In the coolness…
Thanks Mom!
Categories: Cynical BytchWytch, Pagan Parenting | Comments Off | Permalink